CANCER: Not what I expected. But no matter what, I have to look at the bright side.

January 13, 2015 I had an unexpected appointment to come in and see the Oncologist.  So she walked into the room and asked me why no one was with me.  I said, "Just tell me."  She told me that the PET scan (which is a scan that shows if you have cancer in other parts of your body) showed that I have 4th stage cancer in my shoulder, hip, pelvis and spine bones.  I call these the "kick me in the stomach" moments.  All I could think of was when my mother had discovered she had cancer in her hips, she died six weeks later.  My entire body weakened within seconds and I felt as though all hope of a cure was gone.  She told me I would need a bone biopsy in my C7 spine.  Then I could no longer process information.  I had to get out of there.  I wanted to go home.  I couldn't bear the thought of telling my husband and children.  Everything had changed.  I walked to my car crying.  I called my cousin Catherine and told her.  We cried together.  When I arrived home my kids knew I had been crying and asked me what the doctor had just told me.  I couldn't tell them.  I just wanted my husband to come home.  He arrived in the next 10 minutes and I had to bear the news to him and my two daughters.  Since my husband heard of the initial news that I had breast cancer, I could tell he too was suffering.  I called his identical twin and asked him to come over and give my husband Brad a blessing of comfort.  His twin Brett came over and we all tried to console one another.  I have experienced many trials in my life, especially the death of my mother and three brothers, but I have never in my life felt so hopeless, scared, sick, and just plain freaked out in my life.  I went to bed crying and woke up all night wanting to throw up.  All I could think of was how much I loved my husband and children and the thought of leaving them was impossible.

January 14, 2015 was a morning I'll never forget.  After I dropped off my daughter at high school, I had a very strong impression to text my friend who's the office manager at my surgeon's office. I asked her if I could come in a talk to my surgeon about my dire situation. Before I continue this story, I want each of you to know that I believe that the strong impressions I often mention of come from The Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is a member of the Godhead and it will guide you, inspire you, warn you, comfort you, and bear witness of truth to you.  This is my belief and I'm so grateful for it.  So my friend that works at the surgeon's office told me that if I could come into the office within the next 45 minutes, that I would then be able to visit with the doctor.  First of all, that never happens.  I instantly felt blessed.  As I sat in front of the best surgeon EVER, she began to better explain the type of cancer I have.  First of all, when you hear the words, "4th stage cancer" that doesn't mean you need to call hospice in the next five minutes.  Many people think that it is the end of your life for sure.  This is not necessarily true.  There are four stages in breast cancer.  The 4th stage means that the cancer has metastasized or traveled to other parts of the body by way of the blood or lymphatic vessels.  Now let me tell you the bright side of all this.  My cancer metastasized to my bones, but not to the tissues such as my lungs, pancreas, etc.  This was actually good news!  Also, I tested HER2+ "for one such gene that can play a role in the development of breast cancer."  There are various options in treating this type of cancer.  Hormone therapy, chemotherapy, and radiation are the most common.  My surgeon continued to tell me that even though there is most likely no cure for this, she personally knows women that have learned to manage this type of cancer and have lived 15-20 years with "Boney Mets." (A short term for Bone Metastasis.) Individuals with diabetes must manage their disease.  My sister Serena has managed her diabetes for 34 years.  Now it's my turn to manage this 4th stage breast cancer to the best of my ability.  I know that anything is possible with the help of God, Christ, listening to the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost, my family, friends, and the doctors who dedicate their lives trying to save us from the despairs of disease.  Even though I'm not looking forward to the future treatments that await me, I'm going to do everything I can to survive this madness we call cancer.

"Your future is as bright as your faith."  Gordon B. Hinckley