Thursday, January 15, 2015

CANCER: Not what I expected. But no matter what, I have to look at the bright side.

January 13, 2015 I had an unexpected appointment to come in and see the Oncologist.  So she walked into the room and asked me why no one was with me.  I said, "Just tell me."  She told me that the PET scan (which is a scan that shows if you have cancer in other parts of your body) showed that I have 4th stage cancer in my shoulder, hip, pelvis and spine bones.  I call these the "kick me in the stomach" moments.  All I could think of was when my mother had discovered she had cancer in her hips, she died six weeks later.  My entire body weakened within seconds and I felt as though all hope of a cure was gone.  She told me I would need a bone biopsy in my C7 spine.  Then I could no longer process information.  I had to get out of there.  I wanted to go home.  I couldn't bear the thought of telling my husband and children.  Everything had changed.  I walked to my car crying.  I called my cousin Catherine and told her.  We cried together.  When I arrived home my kids knew I had been crying and asked me what the doctor had just told me.  I couldn't tell them.  I just wanted my husband to come home.  He arrived in the next 10 minutes and I had to bear the news to him and my two daughters.  Since my husband heard of the initial news that I had breast cancer, I could tell he too was suffering.  I called his identical twin and asked him to come over and give my husband Brad a blessing of comfort.  His twin Brett came over and we all tried to console one another.  I have experienced many trials in my life, especially the death of my mother and three brothers, but I have never in my life felt so hopeless, scared, sick, and just plain freaked out in my life.  I went to bed crying and woke up all night wanting to throw up.  All I could think of was how much I loved my husband and children and the thought of leaving them was impossible.

January 14, 2015 was a morning I'll never forget.  After I dropped off my daughter at high school, I had a very strong impression to text my friend who's the office manager at my surgeon's office. I asked her if I could come in a talk to my surgeon about my dire situation. Before I continue this story, I want each of you to know that I believe that the strong impressions I often mention of come from The Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is a member of the Godhead and it will guide you, inspire you, warn you, comfort you, and bear witness of truth to you.  This is my belief and I'm so grateful for it.  So my friend that works at the surgeon's office told me that if I could come into the office within the next 45 minutes, that I would then be able to visit with the doctor.  First of all, that never happens.  I instantly felt blessed.  As I sat in front of the best surgeon EVER, she began to better explain the type of cancer I have.  First of all, when you hear the words, "4th stage cancer" that doesn't mean you need to call hospice in the next five minutes.  Many people think that it is the end of your life for sure.  This is not necessarily true.  There are four stages in breast cancer.  The 4th stage means that the cancer has metastasized or traveled to other parts of the body by way of the blood or lymphatic vessels.  Now let me tell you the bright side of all this.  My cancer metastasized to my bones, but not to the tissues such as my lungs, pancreas, etc.  This was actually good news!  Also, I tested HER2+ "for one such gene that can play a role in the development of breast cancer."  There are various options in treating this type of cancer.  Hormone therapy, chemotherapy, and radiation are the most common.  My surgeon continued to tell me that even though there is most likely no cure for this, she personally knows women that have learned to manage this type of cancer and have lived 15-20 years with "Boney Mets." (A short term for Bone Metastasis.) Individuals with diabetes must manage their disease.  My sister Serena has managed her diabetes for 34 years.  Now it's my turn to manage this 4th stage breast cancer to the best of my ability.  I know that anything is possible with the help of God, Christ, listening to the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost, my family, friends, and the doctors who dedicate their lives trying to save us from the despairs of disease.  Even though I'm not looking forward to the future treatments that await me, I'm going to do everything I can to survive this madness we call cancer.

"Your future is as bright as your faith."  Gordon B. Hinckley


14 comments:

  1. Sweet Liz, I've been praying for you, your Drs and family that live you several times a day. I've tried to make myself not call you because I didn't want you having to repeat and relive this several times a day. I hope you can feel the prayers, faith and live of so many that are praying for you. We love you and God is a God of Miracles

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    1. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I do feel the prayers of many. I do believe in miracles!

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  2. I'm a friend of Jenna's and I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you are dealing with this horrific news and scary battle. I love the sweet whisperings you have received though. I know that God is near and watching over you. I know that the veil is thin and there are angels (likely your deceased relatives) that are helping you and walking with you every step of this process. I'm in tears imagining what you must be feeling. My love and prayers are with you and your family! <3

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    1. Thank you so much Kendra. I have felt my loved ones who have gone before me near and helping me through this trial. Thank you so much for your prayers!

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  3. My mom has been updating me and hearing the news has been so heartbreaking. You will always be an Aunt to me as I have the fondest memories spending time at your house with you and your kids. You truly have the best family and sweetest hubby! You can do this, Liz! You are superwoman and I Iove you. All prayers, fasts, and temple visits will include you and your family from all of our family. <3 Haley girl :)

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    1. Thank you so much Haley! I love you and your family. Thank you for your prayers. I feel them and know that anything is possible!

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  4. Liz, I am another one that is fervently lifting you in prayer and has been reluctant to call you. I do not want you to have to repeat 'your story' or feel as if I am feeling 'sorry for you'. I love you and adore your precious family. I am going to continue to pray over this and trust that no matter what the outcome, you will weather this storm with grace and increase the faith of those around you. You are doing a good work here, proclaiming the comforts of the Holy Spirit and trusting in our Heavenly Father and Elder Brother Jesus. May He be glorified through all things. Our family is here for you, and for your children. Please know that we love you and are praying in His name for you all.

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    1. Liz, I have known you for something like twenty years, you have always been a real example of a BEAUTIFUL Daughter of God that radiates love and grace with everything you do! My heart breaks with the pain that this journey brings to you, your sweet Brad and your beautiful family. I hope that you may feel some comfort from the many prayers that are being offered and know that you have a fan club cheering you on with this fight!! I do not know much, but one thing I do know is that you of all people will fight this with with such beauty and grace!! Hugs my friend, I am here for you!

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    2. What you and I have experienced in the last few weeks have been nothing short a miracle! I love you and your family and have felt your prayers. Thank you for all your help!

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  5. You are an amazing person. Growing up you brought stability and strength to your family, you were they're 'rock', and you continue to be for Brad and your children. You have been such a great example to all of your family, and we love you for it. I can't even begin to imagine what was going through your mind when you left the doctor's office that day. When you called me, everything stopped. Whatever I was doing or going to do, was no longer important. I hope that you will let me help you with whatever you might need- driving to Dr. appointments, the store, dinner, errands- whatever, please let me help lift your load, even a little. I love you Liz, and I am so sorry that you had to hear the words we all dread.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. When you receive information like this, all your other worries just melt away. I know you'll help me out. Just make sure there's not a snake sitting on the seat of your car! We just have too many funny stories to tell!

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  6. Hello! I started reading your blog last year, I can't remember how I found it. I just was so shocked to check on the parenting ideas and started to read the updates that happened since last year. I am so sorry this happened to you. I will pray for you!

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    1. Olia, thank you so much for your concerns. I appreciate your interest in my blog and I also have felt the prayers of so many!

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  7. You are a great writer. I love your honesty. Especially in sharing your most difficult emotions and such. It gives me great comfort hearing that you are being led by the Holy Ghost and that God truly has an incredible journey for you to take that will inspire and change many people's lives.
    YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS.

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